For as long as I can recall,
I’ve had a plan moving forward.
No matter the state of my mind’s disorder,
A path onward would put my stress at ease.
But it became somewhat of a disease,
Where I was plagued with a future
As the present stood by as a commuter.
Stress became a reliable constant,
Somewhat of a correspondent,
Where I could depended on it
To push me harder and commit.
But there became a point,
Where I simply could not disappoint,
And my mental stability
Became a place of vulnerability,
Where I couldn’t lie convincingly
And my insecurity gained abundant clarity.
But those who couldn’t see me
Thought there were great places I would be
With a future that would be glowing.
But the only place I was going,
Was deeper inside myself.
I guess it truly started when I was twelve,
When I got a B on a math test.
From that point on I became obsessed,
It was as if I was possessed.
It did not matter if I was stressed
Because there were people to impress,
Colleges who assessed,
Expectations to be addressed,
And my capabilities to be pressed.
I don’t think I ever really realized
These things left me immobilized
All because I was adamant
About being the perfect college applicant.